................................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)................................................


Friday

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Me: "For whom does the bell toll, Bilious?"


The Tutor: "I told you not to ask after that, are ya thick or sommat? You ain't gonna like the answer."


Me: "I'm sure of it, but nevertheless, I must know."


The Tutor: "Fair enough then, yins bin warned. It's not, 'For whom the bell tolls' as most folks think, but actually, 'In whom the bell tolls' - and it's often more than one bell tolling too! It has long been advised that one should 'ask not in whom the bell tolls.' Why, you should ask? It is because, as it is in our case, the bells toll in thee little missy! Think back to when we first met - remember those halcyon days? Those bells had meaning to toll in thee then. And toll they did; deep in your Asian libido. Not in the slow, maudlin peal of a liturgical dirge either, oh no my poppet, but in a wonderfully mad Quasimodo frenzy of flailing phallo-claxons in yielding vulvic-domes."


Me: "Well. maybe, but 'Glory in the flower', 'Splendour in the grass' - you know, that sort of thing - those carillonneurs have been slipping on those ropes of late and the only thing Quasimodo about us these days is the hunched-over countenance you're beginning to express in that not-very-gracefully blooming dotage of yours."


The Tutor: "I told you you wouldn't like the answer. And query: 'blooming dotage'? That's an oxymoron, Innit?"


Me: "In your case, yes, but I was intending ironic sarcasm. It's 'blomin' nonage' in my case"


The Tutor: "Fuck off it is."

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