................................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)................................................


Tuesday

Fucking With The Criminal Element

Me:  "Okay, that's one white rose with Baby's Breath and greens.  That'll be $4.52, with taxes."

The customer handed me a 20 dollar bill.  I keyed "2000" into the cash register and pushed the "CA/TX" key.    The cash drawer opened and the screen read "15.48"; the change.  I placed the 20 dollar bill askew on the bill sectors and retrieved one 10 dollar bill, one 5 dollar bill, one 25 cent coin, two 10 cent coins and three 1 cent coins.  I handed the change, together with the cash register receipt, to the customer.  I placed the 20 dollar bill in its proper bill sector in the cash drawer, but before I got a chance to close the cash drawer, I hear;

Customer:  "Actually, I am gonna need that 20 dollar bill later.  Gimme the twenty back, I'll pay with dis 5 instead."

The customer handed me a 5 dollar bill, the very one I just gave him, and smiled.
I smiled back as I closed the cash drawer and slipped the 5 dollar bill into my pocket.  The customer looked bemused.  Before he had a chance to protest I reached for the wireless telephone set and handed it to him,

Me:  "Look up above my head.  Wave to the camera and say "hello".  It records audio as well.  Now you have two options sir.  You can either walk out the door now, with your rose, and having left me a 5 dollar tip, or you can telephone the Police.  If you choose the latter option, be aware that I will insist that you be charged with 'Attempted Fraud', which, if I am not mistaken, entails both a hefty fine and a custodial sentence - perhaps seven days I think.   Of course, the video and audio of our interaction are more than enough evidence of your attempted subterfuge.  Then again, I could be lying about the camera.  If you call the Police, and I am lying, the Police will side with you in the ensuing "She said - He said" impasse and you will have successfully perpetrated your fraud.  So what will it be?  You've got to ask yourself one question, "Do I feel lucky?"  Well?  Do ya punk?"

The customer turned around and walked, slowly at first, but quickening his pace as he approached the door, and left.

Me:  "Thank you for thinking of us for your floral needs.  Please come again."



UPDATE

There is no camera.


UPDATE II

The damn 20 dollar bill was a counterfeit!  Not to worry though, I fobbed it off  on some blind guy in change for a 50 dollar bill two days later.

L'Origine du monde

It seems half of France is using the French edition of Google Image Search to discover the various locations on the Internet of the image of performance artist Deborah de Robertis 'performing' while sitting under Gustave Courbet's, L'Origine du monde (Origin of the World) (1866) hanging in the Musée d'Orsay, Paris.  The French Google Image Search dumps the frogs off at my latest post and the cheese-eating surrender monkeys are either too thick, or too lazy, to scroll down through my blog to discover the post that contains the photograph for which they are searching - my 'Queer as Cunt' post, HERE.

See HERE for the artnet news story of June 5, 2014
Please to notice how the Yankee editors of artnet news censor the photograph, but not the painting.  Oh those Yanks, Puritan prudes toting guns! 

See HERE for why people are searching for the image now in February, 2016.


Then there are the large number of folks from Ukraine and South Korea being directed to my site by their particular Search Engines after querying the words, 'Woman Cunt'.


UPDATE

It seems the Krauts are doing it too!
Notice how the Google Image Search page is structured differently depending on whether you are German or French.  Go figure.  Innit?