Don't hate me because I am a cute Asian, hate me because I am a cunt. And what are you looking at anyway? I would like you to fuck off. I don't want people here. People who read blogs are cunts, or at best, arseholes. This is somewhere for me to record things, things I care about. Things like trephination and FGM and who feels the orgasm when the Hensel girl(s) masturbate. Also, Rolihlahla Mandela and Aung San Suu Kyi are cunts. I don't like Mother Teresa much either.
................................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)................................................
The other day I was
walking down the High Street on my way to the Blacksmith's:
The Nice Man: "Excuse me Mam, would you like a free
Me: "Thank you. Very kind of you, but alas, I have no
personality. I'm boring as fuck."
TNM: "There's no need to be rude."
Me: "You're right there is no need, but it wasn't a question
of need, it was more a question of want."
Me: "Never mind. This is Scientology, right? And
you are a salesman....... ermmmmm.......not-at-all-brainwashed proselytising
Pointing to the
Scientology sign above the store front adjacent to where the two of us stood on
the side walk.
Me: "L. Ron Hubbard. Right?"
TNM: "Yes. You've heard of him? He is our Founder
and Spiritual Guide."
Me: "Heard of him? Are you mad? That L. Ron guy
changed my life!"
TNM: "That's wonderful." His eyes lit up.
"How so? Have you read any of Mr. Hubbard's works? Did you
visit our Website? Facebook Page?"
Me: "Stalk Tom Cruise's Twitter Feed? No, but I have
been meaning to do all of that for some time now. It's just I can't seem
to find the proper-strength Over-The-Counter anti-emetic that I'll be sure to
need. Know what I mean?"
Me: "Never mind. About 5 years ago I listened to an old
radio interview with Mr. Hubbard. I happened upon it while
researching Excremental Philosophies on the Internet for a
seminar at which I was required to present a paper. The man was well
spoken and very insightful. From this terrific, spell-binding interview,
one particular declarative was epiphanous and hit me like a wooden-crate
containing 200 kilos worth of unsold Dianetics paperbacks."
TNM: "We don't sell Dianetics. We give it
away for free. What was it he said that changed your life?"
Me: "Well, and I quote from memory, 'If you want to get rich,
start a Religion.' I took his advice. A wise man indeed."
Me: "Would you like to come over to my place when you get off
work for a free Personality Test and colonic irrigation with 18 molar H2SO4?
I have cookies! Oh, and bring all your cash, and that of your
relatives - and any loose change."
TNM: "Irri-what? What kind of cookies?"
Me: "Oatmeal Raisin, but never mind. You seem like a
nice man, I would like to apologize for my rude words earlier, I've really no
legitimate excuse. I'd've(1) apologized earlier, but I'm cranky today.
You see, while watching television last night, I was browsing through the
channels and came upon the FSM channel(2) - which was in the
middle of streaming Battlefield Earth in HD. I inadvertently
tossed 'arf a brick at the screen and as a consequence that cluster of Body
Thetans surrounding me got a tad perturbed. It's like the Harrying of the
North on my torso today - I'm so itchy. I really loved that television
too. So I'm a little upset."
Me: "Never mi.... ahhh... forget it. I must dash now.
I've an initiation ritual for the latest batch of The
Congregation For The Fiscal Preservation Of The Divine VD neophytes at
the weekend and I still haven't purchased the new branding irons yet.
(1) I'd've I just love that double contraction.
I've no idea about its legitimacy, vis à vis The Queen's English, but I
don't care, I love it. And I just fucking adore adverbs, superlatives and
the subjunctive case AND showing my readers, the cream of cunts that they are,
how clever I am.
(2) Fucking-Shite-Movie channel. The hyphens
indicate that the compound adjective fucking shit is modifying
the noun movie, not the noun channel.
The Channel is only
fulfilling its mandate. I can't fault it.
It has been brought to my attention - by The Tutor, of course - that this
missive is only remotely funny, and to discern what little levity there is,
requires in the reader a certain level of knowledge concerning the dogma of The
Church of Scientology. Fair enough, he's right, but I pixellate with the
express understanding that my readership possesses this level of knowledge and
cognition. If a reader does not and is upset that I do not provide
hyper-links for words and phrases I would suspect would require them if I was
communicating with readers of that calibre - like as if I would deign to
pixellate word-salads for people with that level of cognition and knowledge in
the first place - they can fuck off.
Is there anthropogenic global warming? I don't know and I don't fucking care.(1) What I do know is that the combustion of ever-increasing quantities of Fossil Fuels - oil, gas and coal - generates tonnes of killer air pollution. The kind of air pollution that causes much respiratory distress among those who out of insipid ignorance insist on engaging in respiratory gas-exchange leading to the oxidative phosphorylation necessary to generate their precious ATP - the fucking bourgeois organic-chemistry-lovin'-cunts. As a wily psychopath, I am quite pleased with this air pollution thing. Is it an encumbrance? No it is not! It is a weapon! It is not unreasonable for me to believe that my singular use of fossil fuels over the years I've been resident in The Canadas, the use for much of which was for no good reason, has contributed directly to the premature deaths of several people; and I imagine them all to be white people too. I'm a murderer! Mea fucking culpa! Of course, many would argue it is only involuntary manslaughter, not murder. Fair enough, but I would remind these Libruls I have malice of intent, mens rea, there are no mitigating factors and there was a fuck of a lot of pre-planning involved; It's depraved-heart murder, and no mistake. I am no different than that Dzhokhar character from the Boston Marathon bombing - my method just takes a lot longer to wreak its intended havoc.
Well, I'm such a killer I got lyric fillers
And I'm hated everywhere I go...(Sounds like me)
I waste a lot of oil and I waste a lot of gas
At ten thousand gallons a go...(Right)
I do all kinds of spills that give me all kind of thrills
But the thrill I've never known
Is the thrill that'll gitcha when you get your pitcha
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone.
(1) Though truth be told, which it often isn't, I hope there is Global Warming and I hope that it speeds the fuck up! It is -23 Celsius, that's -9 fucking Yankee degrees by the way, as I pixellate this and I am just fucking tired of the cold. Apologies to Shel Silverstein and Dr. Hook et al. for doing that to your magnum opus.
The Learned One: "We are not all the same. Can science and medicine one day grasp this simple concept? It seems unlikely” Me: " Science agrees with you, but, politically, it does not bode well for social harmony if it becomes socially acceptable to differentiate ‘types’ of humans. It’s a slippery slope to the Übermensch and the elimination of those who do not measure up. We all have to pretend we are all equal." The Learned One: "Equal is not the same as identical." Me: "I agree. Equal is not the same as identical– and this fact is not lost on the “U” ( as opposed to “non-U”) segment of society. The Papists, of course, would say, "Equal in dignity, not necessarily equal in god’s endowments." We are all different on the outside but, I have it on good authority we are all very much the same on the inside. This has been amply demonstrated by The Tutor for he has spent years ‘examining’ the insides of all manner of Caucasoids, Mongoloids and Negroids with his penis."
If you can't listen to all of it, listen at 3:30 to 5:00, Innit?
On 4 December 2009, Theron co-presented the draw for the 2010 FIFA World cup in Cape Town, South Africa. During rehearsals she drew an Ireland ball instead of France as a joke at the expense of FIFA, referring to ThierryHenry's handball controversy in the play-off matchbetween France and Ireland.The stunt alarmed FIFA enough for it to fear she might do it again in front of a live global audience. The cunts should have listened. The girl is incorrigible. Innit? Gen End It you fuckers!