................................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)................................................


Wednesday

Fucking With Rude People

Just the other day, I was gleefully bantering with a wonderful person in the Handy Comments Facility of the Blog of another equally wonderful person.

Me:  "You, sir, are a dullard.  I know it.  And you know it.
And no mistake"

His response:  "Eat shit, VD!"

How rude!  Goodness gracious, does this person eat with that same mouth?  I was flabbergasted.  Truly dumbfounded and gobsmacked.  What was I to do?
When the initial shock abated, I knew I had to consider my eventual response.  How, on earth, was I to respond to such a wonderfully intelligent and decidedly laconic riposte like that?
Am I expected to understand the command, "Eat shit" as if only an idiom?  Much like "Go to hell you Thalidomide stump sucker"?  A euphemism?  A cacophemism even?  By 'idiom', I think I mean, I am not actually supposed to follow the suggestion literally or figuratively, but to infer from the phrase that I have somehow evoked this man's displeasure?
Should I back off as well as cease and desist any further pixellational activity directed his way?
No response expected or required?

If I do reply, do I just quip:  "No!"?
Should I retort with a similarly vicious grade-school bon mot like, I don't know, maybe,  "Oh yeah?  Well my dad can beat up your dad!"?  Or perhaps, "Whatevs"?
Or conceivably I could quote a phrase from a response by a famous Literary Critic when he was informed that the British public had adjudged J.R.R.Tolkien's, Lord of the Rings as the greatest work of English literature in the 20th Century,
"Dear oh dear.  Dear oh dear oh dear.  It just goes to show the folly of teaching people how to read and write."

Perhaps I am expected to infer specificity and take this man at his word and proceed to eat shit?
I think this is what he meant.
I responded......

"Eat shit?  How did you know I was a coprophile?  That's uncanny, it is.  I'd be more than glad to abide your command.
Query?
May I inquire after how this "shit" I am requested to consume would score on the Bristol Stool Chart?  I mean, if it can be classified as a Type 5, 6 or 7, I'll have no problem, but if it clocks in at a Type 1 or 2, I wonder if I could possibly have a beverage in accompaniment?  I'd be grateful."


UPDATE

It seems a Jane Austen-esque riposte is best,

Stern........
"Damn you!  Damn you and damn everyone who won't put a candle in the window and stay up all night damning you!"

Sterner still......
"Fuck you!  Fuck you and fuck everyone who won't put a candle in their window and stay up all night fucking you!"

Oh wait, that's not right.
Never mind, you know what I mean.

1 comment:

E. Rosewater said...

i'm so honored to be leave the first comment of 2017. now don't be a cunt and delete it. happy fucking new year.