................................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)................................................


Friday

Super Star for Baby Boomers


The most important person of the 20th century.  Iniit?
In ten seconds his actions initiated a chain of events which culminated in the deaths of 80 million people.

Monday

Egyptians!

The customer:  "Does youse have roses?"

Me:  "Yes, wese does has roses"

The customer:  "Can I gets a dozen red roses?"

Me, yelling to the florist minions in the back:  "Twelve reds, BB and greens - with pics."  Then, turning to the customer, "It'll just be a few minutes.  Feel free to wander about and shoplift"

The customer:  "Tanks."

An eternity of one minute transpires as the customer meanders about in front of the cash register.  The floral minions are deathly slow so I decide to pass the time in conversation.

Me:  "I notice you're wearing pricey-looking athletic footwear.  The word 'Osiris' is emblazoned on the uppers of both shoes.  Is it a brand?  I've not heard of them."

The customer:  "Day's special shoes fer skateboardin'."

Me:  "Oh.  Really?  Unfortunate name though don't you think?  I mean if you recall your Egyptian mythology that is.  Osiris, a god, married to his sister, Isis, a goddess, was killed by their brother Seth, also a god.  Seth then dismembered Osiris and scattered his various parts throughout Upper and Lower Egypt.  Isis, his sister/wife, upon hearing of this, proceeded to search the land and collect the disparate parts with the intent of putting him back together.  She was able to find all the parts except for his divine penis.  She put him together anyway and brought him back to life.

So, by wearing 'Osiris' brand footwear, are you not advertising to the world that you have no penis and you fancy your own sister?"

The customer:  "Ermmmmm.....  Ahhhhh....."

Me, taking pity on the dolt:  "Now if in the extremely unlikely event in the future someone might bring this little mythological fact to your attention, may I suggest the following riposte:  'The reason why Isis couldn't find his penis was because I have it!  I HAVE THE PENIS OF A GOD!!!!  And I have no sister.'"

The customer:  "Yer weird"

Me:  "Indeed.  That'll be $56.50 please."